Maybe I should try harder to get you to talk to me, without crossing the line and being an imposition. With that constant fear in my mind (fear of being a burden, being something unwanted), I have come to a conclusion that seems safe enough to try. It is almost mathematical because it requires me to put in equal effort to get you to talk to me, as I have desire for you to talk to me.

Now that the formula is on paper, and not just floating around in my thoughts it appears dangerous. When I see the phrase ‘desire for you to talk to me’ it unhinges me that it got to this point where it is typed out methodically. It means I have thought about it a great deal. My thoughts can take years to end up on a page, and this thought, this desire… I have no idea how long it took for me to write, but I have written it so I should get over myself and run with it.

I want you to talk to me, and be there for me to talk back to. I want you to share what you can and look back at what I need to show. You are more than an impressive figure, an inspiration, a friend that never had to be there for the bad stuff.

You are the dream, the desire in the corner of my eye I may almost see my entire life. I can’t speak in generalizations like us and ours, but my soul needs to brush up against another to know its own shape. I can’t lie here, where normally it would come so easy to say something ‘like this is for you too’, but this is not there and when I open my mouth and let the words come down it’s all truth I see.

This is about me and what I need. In my heart and in all sincerity I hope you can get something out of my needs. I am the center of my universe, and my universe needs you in it, give me some gravity! Let me feel your pull, let your conversation influence my tides, let us spin in some sort of proximity.

I think you like it, and yet you fight it, for very good reasons. But I started this confession with the thought that my action must match my desire, and so here we are. Will your action match your desire? How much effort would need to be made to make it all work, and would that effort be more than your desire to make it work?